If You Don't.....Who Will?

As Valentine's Day 2012 comes to a close, I am squeaking in at the last minute for Cyn's link up "Love Yourself" over at the "The Chunky Goddess" - the name doesn't really fit, check out her blog and you will see what I mean....cause girlfriend looks A-MAZ-ING!!!!!!

I think that I have been battling with loving myself since ummmm....I was in utero?!?!  OK, maybe I could be exaggerating just a bit, but believe me, it has been a long time.  About six years ago, I lost a lot of weight - about 70 pounds.  I felt strong and empowered, but ultimately I dont think  I know it didn't change me inside, which in my opinion is where it counts.  Over the next few years, I managed to find pretty much all of that weight right back where I lost it.  There was a lot of stuff going on during that time and quite honestly my main concern was my son - I was definitely not high on my own priority list.  It has taken me a long time to realize that the best thing for my son and for me, is to make myself a top priority.  A healthy and happy mom makes for a happy and healthy home and that is the mission I am on.  I have had to learn to love what's on the inside and that has made me OK with the outside, at least for now.  That in turn has given me the courage and will power to begin to make some changes that will ultimately make me stronger and healthier.  For the last month, I have been working out 4 to 5 times a week.  I am not eating like a saint, but I am doing soooo much better!  What has made this time different is that I am doing it on my own.  The last time, I had the help of a personal trainer 3 times a week.  This time I am going solo.  Will the results be the same?  Only time will tell, but I feel like I am ready to conquer the world.  It may take take longer than the five months I did it in last time, but I am in for the long haul!  I will kick that 5K's butt before the Summer.

If you are of the belief that someone besides yourself can help you, or at least get you on the road to loving yourself you need to meet Christine Tremelout of Hot Mama Boudoir.  This lady has mad skills behind a camera.  This experience started out as a gift for someone else, but turned out to be one of the most empowering things I have ever done for myself.  She enabled me to see a side of myself that I never imagined existed and for the first time in a VERY long time, I was OK with how I was on the outside - plus size and all.  Would I like to shoot again with her one day, when I am no longer quite as plus?  You bet your ass I would, but I will always treasure the images that she captured and the part of me that she helped me see and believe in.  Christine claims that she has a super power.... HELPING WOMEN GROW THEIR CONFIDENCE BY REDISCOVERING THEIR BEAUTY.  Trust me ladies  - sister is telling the truth!  Are these photos retouched - you bet they are, but I will also tell you that I saw some of the images within seconds of them being taken right on her camera.  It was hard to believe that it was me, but it was right there and I couldn't deny it!  So yes, maybe I am am tooting my own horn a bit - but that is what Christine was able to give me....the confidence to say I looked at the pictures and liked LOVED what I saw!  I also have to send a HUGE shout out to Jennifer Aaronson for my makeup and Chad Landry for my do.  Amazing work, amazing people and they made me feel like queen for a day!

OK, now I that I have poured out my soul in a blog post and I have brought a lot of my insecurities that formerly only those closest to me know...I am really going to share. Be kind...and remember in my eyes these babies ROCK. If you don't have anything nice to say, please just don't say! I am not above stabbing you with a pencil...right, mom???

 Happy Valentine's Day and always remember to love yourself....if you don't, who will???

On a final note.....Not to take anything away from Christine, but without the support of a special someone, I never would have gotten to the point where I was brave enough to have the pics taken in the first place. You know who you are and know that I am forever grateful! MUAH!!!!!!